Funny Quotes

I was surfing the web this morning for a few minutes and I found this site. It's full of funny quotes and pictures. Check it out if you get a chance by clicking here.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Sexy Unix Commands: date; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime;